Key Worst

Well!

Well.

We had a craptastic weekend in the Keys. I should have known better. While I am not one to put a lot of stock in astrology, Mercury in retrograde kicks my ass every January. Thankfully it is over on the 15th. I always seem to have a run of bad luck in the first few weeks of the new year.

This year was no different.

Our Friday started off very nice. My husband and I had breakfast at our favorite place, then we packed up and headed out by 10 a.m. We decided on a leisurely pace, so we took US 41 across the state. You can take the freeway, but it isn't as pretty. Our drive was full of swamps with palm and buttonwood trees, wading birds, kingfishers, and yes, alligators. I knit the whole way across the state.

We turned south at Homestead and moved towards Key Largo. This was my very first trip to the Keys, but my husband had lived on Key Largo for a year back in the 90's. He even showed me his old apartment. Let's just say his life has improved since he met me.

On Islamorada we stopped for lunch at Wahoo's Bar and Grill. We sat on the deck in the sun and had beers, conch fritters, and fish sandwiches. Yum.

From there it was just another hour down to Marathon where our first stop was - The Coconut Key Resort. I think there needs to be an inspection you have to pass to earn the right to call yourself a resort. Our room resembled what I thought a prison cell at a low security prison might look like: cinder block walls, faded blankets, tile floor. Their slogan on the sign was, "Florida the way it used to be." Hmm... sometimes progress isn't all that bad.

We took a nap and went out to search for dinner around 5. We ended up at a place just next to the 7 mile bridge called Chappy's. After our meal Kosta renamed it "Crappy's." For the amount we paid for the meal, you would think it would have been a little better. The best thing about my meal was the Mango Poppy vinaigrette on my salad.

Here's one secret no one tells you about the Keys: unless you're a drinker, a diver, or a fisherman, there is absolutely nothing to do. After dinner, we retired to our prison cell and watched TV until bedtime.

Saturday met us cold, and rainy. There was a strong wind blowing from the northwest, and it was in the 40's. Surprisingly, for a "resort" with no heat, we stayed quite warm during the night. We headed across Route 1 to breakfast at the Wooden Spoon. We got the last table in the house, right by the door that blasted us with cold air every time someone came in or went out. Have you ever had the experience where you are seated at a table, you place your order, then you proceed to watch everyone else around you get served, eat, pay, leave, and then watch the whole cycle begin again? Add to that constant blasts of cold, wet air, and food that finally arrive cool and bland, and you have our dining experience at the Wooden Spoon.

We were even debating on whether to continue on to Key West with the weather being as miserable as it was, but one small fact clinched our fate: I had made our room reservations on Priceline.com. It is a great tool for getting awesome deals on hotel rooms, but if you use it, you pay in advance. Since we had already paid for our room in Key West, we had to go. Besides, how bad could it be?

The road to Key West was long and skipped across expanses of what surely must have been heartbreakingly turquoise waters, and leapfrogged over tiny islands with tropical houses and palms. I am sad that I did not get to see it in its full glory of the brilliant sun, but that's what I get with Mercury in retrograde.

When we finally got to Key West it was raining in earnest. We drove down past Higg's Beach, and on to the end of Route 1, and the southernmost point in the United States. (Kosta points out that it isn't really... you have to be on the naval base to have access to that). We took pictures in the rain, and shivered back to the car. We drove over to Duval Street, paid for 3 hours of parking, and only managed to use 2. We wandered around in the rain for a while, but got so cold and wet that we stopped for lunch even though we weren't hungry. We had more conch fritters, fish sandwiches and beer at a place called Fogarty's. We saw lots of bars and t-shirt shops, and we bought dry sweatshirts to wear that evening. We were cold, damp, and miserable.

So we went to the Days Inn where we had prepaid our room. The Days Inn's lobby shares a building with a Waffle House. Now some of you reading this may not be from the south and have known the pleasure of a Waffle House. (And I am using the word, "pleasure" the same way Coconut Key used the word, "resort.") I don't want to offend any southerners, but I am afraid I am going to anyway. My only previous experience dining at a Waffle House (which I refer to as a Shit Box) was in Pooler Georgia, with my good friend Beth. There was lots of cigarette smoke, the waitress yelled in our order from the counter, and a woman sitting at the counter peed in her pants and made a puddle on the floor.

And now our hotel has a Shit Box on property? Uh oh.

Actually, the room was much nicer. It had carpet, plaster, and heat. The TV was bigger, and the lights were better. But we find out very shortly into our stay that our room was right next to housekeeping, and both men and women kept coming and going, speaking in loud voices. (Door creaks open. Door squeals shut. Loud conversation. Door creaks open. Cart crashes out. Door squeals shut. Cart rumbles away. Repeat 50 gazillion times.)

We were cold and wet so we changed clothes and took naps to warm up. When we got up we didn't feel like braving the elements anymore for another fried fish dinner. So we ordered pizza. We watched football. I knit. And the next morning? You guessed it - my darling husband persuaded me to have a quick breakfast at the Shit Box. I realize the food really isn't that bad. But the couple that had a shouting match 2 tables away wasn't all that great. It isn't the food so much as the company.

Oh right. This is a knitting blog, isn't it? Heh. The knitting was the only thing that really went right this weekend.I finished two of the coasters for my teapot hot pad and coaster set, and I made the set of hand warmers! I finished the first on Saturday night in our hotel room, and then the second was completed last night. They are very toasty, and worked very well today. Did I mention the cold snap is continuing? I had many lustful looks at my hand warmers today from ladies at work with cold hands. My coworker Karen said if I had brought in 10 pairs today I could have sold them all. My husband was so enamored of my hand warmers, he demanded that I make a pair for him out of the same yarn. I started them yesterday. I wonder how he is going to feel about them when he finds out they are going to be predominantly lavender.

My question is, what am I going to make next? I was thinking I might knit a roll-up needle case for my knitting needles, which are all in a jumble at the bottom of my stash box. I am sure I just made a bunch of seasoned knitters either scrape their jaws off the floor, or they are still howling with laughter. Yes, that's right. My knitting stash fits in one blue plastic tub. I vow to make it grow. I vow to never be mocked by another knitter.

I have to say though, that it is easy to become obsessed. As soon as I found out I didn't get car sick from knitting, all I wanted to do was watch the stitches grow, and to see the gorgeous Noro colors unfold. It was the most turqouise I saw all weekend!

I am going back to Gabriella's on Thursday night. I hope it will be fun!